Probably the most important decision you will ever take in your life is that of choosing a life partner and the best thing you can do regarding this most important decision is to pray about your life partner and for God’s will and His leading in making the right decision. When should you start praying? My recommendation is as early as possible. Even if you are a young man or a woman still in your teens or even younger, if you are Born Again and know the Lord in a personal relationship then you do qualify to pray about your mate! By pray I do mean pray about the person you will marry and spend the rest of your life with, I do not mean pray that you will marry now. You can indeed pray for the life partner you will meet down the years.
Next up, what to pray for? There is a beautiful passage from the Bible in Proverbs 31:10-31 about “The Wife of Noble Character”.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
I prayed this passage daily in my prayer and personalized it praying “my wife” in all the places. For the women, I have not come across any passage describing an ideal husband, but there are scriptures mentioning how a husband and a wife should treat each other like Jesus and the church relate to each other. In a marriage, the husband is equated to Jesus Christ and the wife to the church and their relationship should be structured along the lines of Jesus and His church.
Further along, how to pray? I am a firm believer in praying in tongues and have always placed more emphasis on praying in the spirit rather than praying with understanding. I do not discount praying with understanding and don’t mean to say stop praying with understanding altogether, but I do mean to say pray more in the spirit than with understanding. Even Paul said in 1 Corinthians 14:18 “I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than you all”, which can only mean Paul prayed in the spirit a lot and obviously more than he prayed with his understanding. The way I prayed for my mate (and still pray for other things daily) is I pray with understanding for the topic for a while and when I run out of words to pray with understanding I switch over to praying in tongues and this praying in tongues goes on and on and lasts a lot longer than praying with understanding. The reason I place so much emphasis on praying in tongues is because we don’t know what to pray for and how to pray. The Bible says in Romans 8:26 “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”
Next point, make a list about the character, characteristics, points that you want to find in your mate and start praying over them. My main point was that my mate and I should be made one and be one in all things. This was my main point of prayer always. Even the Bible says in Genesis 2:24, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Some versions say they shall be made one. I regularly prayed, Lord I am only 0.7 in some areas, so let my mate come up with the remaining 0.3 so that together we are 1 in this area and we are truly made one covering each other’s deficiencies. There are some areas I am 1 in and so I did not need my mate to have anything or come up with anything in that area. Similarly, there are areas where I am a zero (for instance cooking) and I needed my mate to be a 1 in this area and I prayed Lord let her be a 1 in this area (of cooking) so that when we are joined together and made one we are a 1 in the area of cooking too. I can tell you now that my wife is a complete 1 in the area of cooking. She is a wonderful cook and there is nothing that she cannot cook and even makes sandwiches that will give Subway a run for their money. Anything I wish for, she makes very well, delectably delicious one can say, even if she needs to check out the recipe on Google. I know it sounds unbelievable to incredible, but let me give you another example of another area in which I am a zero and that is in the area of cleaning and keeping my room and the house clean. I am a very lazy person (only in this area) and my wife is the exact opposite in this area and a perfect 1 in this area in fact. She cannot see anything out of place and everything is neatly sorted and in its place always in our room since she moved in. She is an amazing homemaker and very definitely a 1 in this area where I lack every conceivable skill. Need more examples? I cannot draw, paint, and lack totally artistically i.e. I have no artistic skills whatsoever and my wife can make a brand new, fully furnished house replete with her own paintings and decoration that will look great and better than most furnished apartments you would have come across. Now don’t go ahead and think I have been blessed with the most wonderful superwoman ever, in many ways yes I have been blessed with the most wonderful person, but even she has areas that she is only a 0.5, or a 0.3 or even a zero in and I complete her in these areas and together we make a 1. It was complementing and completing each other that I prayed regularly about and the Lord has blessed me with a mate with whom I am made one and together we are 1 in all areas. Hopefully, now you understand the importance of making a list or at least having some specific points about your mate penned down. The Bible in fact says in James 4:2 “You do not have, because you do not ask God”, so be sure to ask God what you want beforehand rather than ending up with something you don’t want.
Next up, you need to make decisions with your spirit and not with your mind i.e. in other words make decisions with your heart and not with your mind. This one area has always been the problem with mankind and every decision we make with our mind has always taken us farther away from God. This by itself is a vast topic and will be its own message, but in the context of finding your mate make sure you listen to your heart in choosing your mate and not to your mind. The mind/soul combine are only interested in worldly things, whereas the Born Again heart/spirit are geared towards God and eternity. Also, if we go by our mind we only concentrate on the looks, the money, the education, the appearance etc. of our prospective mate, but there are things within that person that you have no idea of like will you get along with them, their temperament, their moods or mood swings, their desires, likes, dislikes, etc. Only the Holy Spirit knows these things and He will reveal them all to our spirit as we pray in the spirit and listen to our spirit instead of our head. There is a wealth of knowledge in the following passage and its one of my favorite passages from the Bible. Read it again and again and meditate on it till God begins to speak to you from it and makes it real in your life.
1 Corinthians 2:9-16 – However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”, but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
If you can grasp the meaning of this passage and apply it in your life it will change your life. I really mean it, its life changing. As people we cannot even begin to grasp that God wants us to have things that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has conceived and we need revelation from the Holy Spirit to grasp and understand that God loves us so much and wants so much for us. This passage also reveals how we can get this understanding and revelation i.e. by praying in the spirit. I made a decision about my wife too this way i.e. by going to my heart/spirit and not with my understanding which is in the realm of the mind/soul. In fact to tell the truth, if I had to make the decision based on my mind/soul there were so many things I could say why she was not the right choice for me. In fact she did not think like me, did not behave the way I wanted her to, and did not even agree with me in most things. Even during our courtship we argued, disagreed, had minor misunderstandings on a regular basis and this would lead me to think that perhaps she was not the right person for me, but then when I would go to the Lord praying in tongues my heart would be on fire and God would begin speaking and confirming that she was the one for me. In fact the very first time I saw and met my wife, God spoke to my heart saying she is your wife, but yet I waited a good year and a half till I was convinced it was from God and that it was God’s perfect will for my life before I even talked to my prospective wife and proposed to her. Now this concept might be alien to some of you, but it’s not always possible to interact with a person and know everything about them, in fact there is a good chance that you will only see what that other person wants you to see, but the real person might remain hidden since our present day society trains us to put on an appearance for the world to see and to hide our real self, but you really need to know the real self of the person you will be marrying and not some face they have out for the entire world to see since you will be spending time with the real person for the rest of your life.
There are a lot more ways the Lord will deal with you in your quest for finding a mate of His choice for yourself since God deals with each of us on an individual basis, but the points I have mentioned will stand you in good stead in starting out in praying for your life partner. God bless you with His very best in this most important decision of your life.